Witches Of Pendle

A COTTAGE believed to be linked to a famous group of 17th-century English witches and a mummified cat were unearthed by workmen in Lancashire, northern England. Water engineers found the 17th-century cottage during excavations in Pendle, and experts think it could be connected to the famous Pendle Witches, a group of 16 women tried for witchcraft in 1612. Malkin Tower was said to be the site of a notorious meeting between the witches on Good Friday in 1612. Keep'emPeeled.

Socrates - Hero!

Taken from the diary of Plato: circa  During the Spartan uprising Socrates was called to fight for his country. Being a coward by nature he formed a strategy of cunning regarding his deployment ( he would hide when battle commenced ). After he went through the tooling up stage where they gave him a spade & strong sandals ( apparently he would help dig trenches? ), he strode forth into the breach, actually it was a beach ( the warship had arrived at The vicinity Lesbos north, a place Socrates pondered would be much nicer if he were with friends, debating wether air was an heavier element than fire? He mused. Yes, if air could be stuck down ( which it can't ), & fire was given an area to cover ( which it won't ) thence a comparison could be made ( which will never happen )? SOCRATES!, someone was shouting his name. He turned, the calling man's head, burst. When a flaming projectile hits a mans head, it , well, bursts! Fire balls flew through the air, everywhere men were running hither & thither. Socrates pondered. Suddenly he was running. Socrates had never ran, at least not since childhood. The clumsy sandals! They got stuck in the sand. He fell, arms flailing! Socrates pulled onto the rope of a mule that was pulling a cart of spears. The rope got tangled in the beasts ballsack. It gave a huge whinney & ran of into a ditch. The cart full of spears, now free, careered down a walkway & off a ridge. As it fell a fireball hit said cart of spears & sent a cascade of burning spears down on the climbing Spartans'! The usually heroic Spartan warriors, on seeing their comrades up ahead screaming in pain with burning spears piercing them each & everyway, panicked. Signals meant to start a wall of bombarding   Logs were sent to the archers ( who fired into the advancing Spartan front ). Believing that the Greeks had somehow sprang an attack from the middle of the Spartan horde, they started to hack at each other!  Chaos reigned & a fleeing man knocked over a table that Upset a buckets of goose fat that caught alight & spread to the Spartan generals tent. This resulted in a scurry of orders involving the Spartans full retreat! As the Spartans scrambled onto their ships, the news of Brave Socrates & his heroic deeds spread through the Athenian forces. "Socrates Defeats Spartans Single-Handed! ". By then of course, Socrates was well on his way home( scurrying from bush to bush , cave to cave ), vowing never to go to wAr ever again.             Subsequently,  Socrates dined frequently with young soldiers who would bring red wine & good meat for him & his woman ( he'd even get some old sandals & pretend they were the ones he wore & sell them to any young fool who had more money than sense ). His wife would cook away happily  in the cucina as he recounted his bravery, which at each telling swelled into even greater deeds! Plato recalled " Socrates never once admitted his slice of luck that day. Only on his deathbed he whispered to me thus the true story as he'd deduced he could not milk it further. He was a canny man.". 

Bad actors, crappy locations & no script at all! Yeah. A foreign "aRt" film. Bolllox!  A movie should be about entertainment, not some weirdo's obsession with some ugly bitch he was once in love with, used to wank off to( spat at him ), fucking cunt! How can you love someone who has ears that big anyhow? Dumbo! I don' t wanna see some bastard from the other side of the world pissing! OK? I got Qi! I love J-horror, & Godzilla vs Gamera is a masterpiece but, don't give me foreign dudes taking a wee. OK! That ain't entertainment. The Seven Samurai is probably the best film ever made. It's got the lot! Every plot point & character virtue/flaw multiplied by a force of ten! What I don't want is them giving the rim a splash. At least put the seat up! Sorry,honourable person, but they don't got seats where you come from? Go take a dump in the streets, then when insects get stuck in your shit you can sell it as food! Am I ranting? Check out Shinya Sukamoto (sue me if I got it wrong ) for a great big scare! The ending of all endings is to be found in One Missed Call ( every time you think it's all over, it just ramps up the levels for more, more, more! ). Seemingly he (Sukamoto) started wetting the bed( read, uncomfortable sleeping mat in the East ) after watching said Godzilla movie who he believed was created by the atomic bombs dropped by Enola Gay & Pals ( actually his Granpappy told him this in a dream, being vaporised by the above in 1945). Tetsuo, his wet dream, a pure eroticism meshed with machine imagery that for the viewer is intended to indicate a compensation for the lack of softness involved in sex. Perhaps a fundamental  urge for breast-feeding or castration syndrome( in the Fruedian concept ) can be the root of it all. It makes for darn fine J-horror! Coffee, please?  Ringu(The Ring ) sic, possibly the greatest of all psychological serial killing movies due to the motivations of vendetta stands alone;  taking a wiz all over the genre it apes. So, giving the Land of the Rising Sun 10 outta 10, no more taking the piss please( pun intended). Via Copenhagen, Carl Theodore Dreyer & his bastard sons Lars Von Trier/Thomas  Vinterberg, run amok! Iconoclasts of the highest calibre. They chucked away the tripod of Zen & replaced it with reality ( shaky stuff ), & a pinch of Reisenstal's Nurembergs' Rallies' ( if you remember the '40's you weren't really there ). Dogme ( the genre, not the sexual activity ), please? Von Trier writes his production notes on the wall of his office, so like Abbey Road Studios London, it gets a white wash every now & again; a shame for collectors of such incomprehensible prose. Yet they worship at the altar of pure cinematography. Attention to detail is paramount! Make a wrong edit-"you're fired!". You see, going over the top is all about trying to get to the enemies trench before a bullet/s end your mission. Then, you have to kill the enemies, then you have to regroup & get ready for the next over the top. How long can you keep it up? Before the audience walks out. A pebble in your shoe. Mmm, no, just entertain, OK? Why do people like Keyboard Cat? It's a guy under the table moving the cats arms to the beat ( mic' it up & it would sound like a crock   'o shit now ). Not to be confused with the Greatest work of all World Cinema" Apocalypse Now" . Platoon/Full Metal Jacket et al. La Haine( the Hate ) sic, signalled the last days of celluloid. Ape mimic Ape? Spike Jones, different class. The Pizza Parlour smash-up is intoxicating ( watch it on DVD then pause & try to get up off your sofa,..yeah?).Wim Wenders & co'. Werner Hertzog blah,. Jean Luc Godard blah. All greats. With Film you can create then waffle about what you meant. Johnny & his merry bunch of compatriots will never tire of this( in broken English, or blank-aise). With furrowed eyebrows & dark undertones locked into each phrase they, well, look into the distance while prattling on about the existentialism inherent in their work. They wish to share their vision with the world & without them, the world would be a an empty place. Dead As Disco. We should embrace World Cinema. Look beyond the sometimes squalid ness of the surrounding environment & join an obscure film group. Actually start one @yourplace.com. Invite friends from FaceBook you've never met to your home, to watch some weird crap about an Eastern gentleman taking a piss. Go on! Nobodies watching, honest. I can't finish without a nod to " Old Boy". What a movie! Sick & Perverted, it remains a vision of male dominion over the gentler of genders that all assholes should beware of. Cast the first stone, ye who is without sin.  Keep'emPeeled.

Greek Tradegy 2

Not since Alexander The Great died (choking on his vomit as he lay in a pool of his own piss & shit ) has those Bubble & Squeaks been so down & out! They got $ 200 billion from the Eurozone then urinated it all against the Berlin Wall. OK!, that's like  making every one of those sticky greasers multi-millionaires! We, All know that they end up fatso, blubber, sofa-stuck freeloaders. Now they wanna vote wether to accept another pig-feast at the Euro trough! Fuck 'em! Let them eat each other. Soon there will be only the thin, slippery Macedonians left. They can get to together with the 300 and as they're all gay, no-more will be born. Then we can sort out the mess they made of the conservation of the beautiful buildings those fatsos'  failed to do! 

What Up?

What Up? Here am I with stalwart "D", Alec the Dalek. We are going into The Rob Roy bar in Star St, Paddington;a pub named after "Red" Rob Roy MacGregor, an ancestor from my mothers side of the family ( remember the movie with Liam Neeson ). Dundee United travelled to Glasgow to play at Hampden stadium in the Scottish cup Final( the oldest fitba' trophy in the world ), versus Ross County ( feared by some sheep up north ). Early days though, have a listen to the track on the SoundCloud player and get into some Space-DisKO! Back zoon with what happened in the cup final!
Keep'emPeeled, the Prof'

What Up There?

http://bit.ly/bvpPyO : the vid comes with my search for an inner soul. Serendipity & synchronicity
all play a part, as I go deep under the bowels of Somerset House; an Art establishment in the heart of London. the part about Che Guevara and the cigars was a fluke! Next blog will see me get lost and paranoid in the creepy underworld in the bowels of the basement. Keep'emPeeled Professor Fun-Farm

What Up There?

A little bash on RjDj app KidsOnDSP: KidzROnIt! http://bit.ly/awzkFf Getting it all 2getha, Rome! et cetera I'm from a different epoch, so bear with me Earth dudes&dudettes. Keep 'em Peeled Professor Fun-Farm