Football Hooligans

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Adolf Hitler(Ego-Maniac) - Schalke: The Fuhrer was reputedly a fan of Schalke, who won the German title six times while Hitler was in charge of Germany. So we checked and double-checked whether the club board between 1933 and 1945 had named a stand the 'Führer Stand', yes they did.

Idi Amin(Sub-Human) - Hayes FC: The Ugandan dictator became a fan of Hayes as a result of his years spent in the British army (in which he served for 15 years) where he was deeply impressed by a colleague who constantly talked up the achievements of the non-league West London club. The fool believed it.

Colonel Gaddafi(Idiot) - Liverpool: Among the artefacts found after the fall of the Libyan leader was a Liverpool shirt signed by then players, leading some to claim that Gaddafi was a fan of the Reds. The idea isn't actually all that far-fetched: One of Gaddafi's sons, Al-Saadi Gaddafi, was seen regularly in  The Kop.

Radovan Karadzic(Tin-Pot Nobody) - Inter Milan: The Bosnian Serb war criminal was a fan of the Serie A giants due to their signing of Serbian players Sinisa Mihajlović and Dejan Stanković. His nephew sold a story to an Italian newspaper recently that while Karadzic was still a fugitive he risked arrest by going to watch matches.

Osama Bin Laden(Rich&Insane) - Arsenal: Rumours claim that the Al Qaeda chief and mastermind of the 9/11 attacks became a fan of the north London club after watching matches at Highbury several times while visiting Britain & planning terrorist attacks.  He is also said to have bought one of his sons an Ian Wright replica of a wax dummy. Seemingly  at one point, Gunners fans took his supposed fandom well by creating a special chant: "Osama, woah-oh / Osama, woah-woah-woah-woah / He's hiding in Kabul / He loves the Arsenal."

General Franco(Onanist-chronic) - Real Madrid: The Spanish fascist leader was renowned as a fan of the Madrid club, so much so that the club came to be regarded by many almost as the official side of the regime and were referred to openly as 'Franco's “moustachioed” team'. Yet it didn't start out that way: Franco originally supported Real's arch-rivals Atletico Madrid, originally an army side, whom didn’t approve of facial hirsutism!Believe it so, and in fact his later support of Real was as much a case of the dictator jumping on the whiskers bandwagon than to bask in the club's glory in the early days of the European Cup, which they won the first five times it was played from 1956-1960.

Benito Mussolini(Who ate All the Pies?) - Bologna: The Italian fascist dictator was a staunch Bologna fan ( & he was full of Baloney ) from the time they were formed in 1909; the side thrived after he came to power in 1922, winning the Italian title in 1925, 1929, 1936, 1937, 1939 and 1941. Indeed, the club's neo-medieval stadium was heralded by Il Duce as a symbol of his beliefs, calling it, "a shining example of what can be done with a huge bowl & ingredients for making BIG PIES!”.  

Josef Stalin (Mass-Murderer ) - Dynamo Moscow: The club was set up by one of Stalin's most loyal (and feared) henchmen, KGB chief Ivan The (not as) Terrible(but still quite bad) Beria, and was effectively KGB United for several decades. Football was a big deal to Uncle Joe: when the USSR lost an Olympic match to Yugoslavia in 1952, a furious Stalin ordered the army's CSKA Moscow team (which had supplied most of the players) to be sent to Siberia to his “holiday” camps.

Nicolae Ceausescu (Anal Retentive) - Steaua Bucharest: The Romanian side was actually owned by the national army prior to the 1989 revolution, and Ceausescu supported and enabled the enforced hairstyle of the players - among them Gheorghe Hagi and Gheorghe Popescu  without the agreement of either the players or  original clubs.: remember the forced front combed look? It was a policy that helped Steaua win the league for six consecutive seasons in the 1980s, collect the European Cup in 1986, and set a European record of 104 matches unbeaten in the league. With those hair-do’s , you couldn’t blame ‘em! Keep’emPeeled.

Chelsea Do The Right Thing!

The Blues got top spot giving media folks a slap in the mush! Next up Man City on Monday. Keep'emPeeled.

Uranus & Neptune 2 giant balls ( of gas )

Beyond, there is Uranus ( say the word quickly so it doesn't sound like a moronic joke ) & Neptune.They are 2 huge balls (I kid U not) made of gas. They orbit our star Sol. This is what we seriously call The Outer Limits ( of our system ). Neptune is blue as it is made of methane (. Very stinky, don't go there on holiday ). Buddies of Sir Patrick Moore, Christ Lintoot & BruceLee Felcher were using the onboard cam of Voyager2 when it did a few turns ( orbits ),around these magnificent gas giants. Uranus has a beautiful greenish tint. While Neptune has an azure blueness that quite simply cannot be expressed in words. U gotta go there to appreciate it; I'd stay at 5,000 KMs' out ; else you get sucked out into deep space due to the warp field array left by the Andromedian aliens. So far, so good. OK, I know, Ur gonna say they're boring 'coz there's no storms or volcanos & so forth but wait! OK? Look towards the north pole and you can see that I formed an S shape on Uranus ( pic#1no mean feat! ). There was however some after Fx on the rest of planet. With incredible stuff at the south pole &, wait 4 it,.. A new ring! Not as huge and astounding as say Saturn's, but nice to eye; provided U go have a peek with a telescope such as the Hubble Or the excellent Hampstead Observatory( which can be hired in red glare ferocity for mere bagatelle to all men of this world ).           So, what about Neptune ( the Old Man Of Time ) ,I hear from the snearing cowards up in the Gods? Well abuse asides, it took 3 atomic hydrogen bombs to get the Fx I was  after. Boy, them suckers take lots of heavy metal! Wear regulation rad-glasses or retina burn out means a lotta op's. Check out the red glares of these 3 huge doodahs! Maid In Heaven! Play Be-Bop Deluxe track of same name to be in the same frame ( of mind ).    U see, Uranus takes 8 Earth years give or take a few par-secs for its Solar year. So a season lasts for 2 years Earth-time & et al.  [Oh, check out this page soon 4 BlackDonalds news ].  & Stop laughing about Uranus! It's a planet with a funny name OK! Let's move on. Soon U come 2 the Virgin Plains of Neptune ( where I dropped the clangers ). Bright red & lots of after-burn 3 whoppers! ; pic#2,3. Triton a satellite( moon ) of Neptune, is a vast  metallic sphere where many craters give it a look not dissimilar to Earth's Moon. Geezers R regularly going off there to shoot their load & it's got volcanos' . Just be sure no-ones looking chaps? Jokes aside, it's an exciting place 2Go B4 U get sucked into the vortex I mentioned earlier. Paul Able another pal of the great Sir Patrick who does lots for charity & is an authority on the subject. He says " What AstroNutter has done is put Uranus back on the star-map, his bold planet aRt must held in the highest of esteem! Never since the time of Herschell has anyone given so much to our profession!" & so forth ( check podcast on iTunes 4 in depth interview). Uranus can currently be seen in the northern hemisphere just below the Pisces circlet ( the green hue) as a bright star-like object not to be confused with the Great Square of Pegasus.         Moving closer in the storms on Saturn bear close scrutiny as so it's satellite Europa where life swirls in its deep oceans. Mars! Yes, what of the grand old chum of Mummy Earth? Well the Phobos Grunt is a probe that's been sent in to gather data for BP & the Reds Under Our Beds but got lathered by the top Yank Curiosity Got The Plank. Why send a robot to do a sentient beings job, right? Arthur C Clark pic#4 went to set up moon base 1 but due to meteorites & asteroids was forced to put it underground on the dark side of the moon. Still, from tiny acorns or l'argent non fait pas la bon vite.     Keep'emPeeled. 

Bad actors, crappy locations & no script at all! Yeah. A foreign "aRt" film. Bolllox!  A movie should be about entertainment, not some weirdo's obsession with some ugly bitch he was once in love with, used to wank off to( spat at him ), fucking cunt! How can you love someone who has ears that big anyhow? Dumbo! I don' t wanna see some bastard from the other side of the world pissing! OK? I got Qi! I love J-horror, & Godzilla vs Gamera is a masterpiece but, don't give me foreign dudes taking a wee. OK! That ain't entertainment. The Seven Samurai is probably the best film ever made. It's got the lot! Every plot point & character virtue/flaw multiplied by a force of ten! What I don't want is them giving the rim a splash. At least put the seat up! Sorry,honourable person, but they don't got seats where you come from? Go take a dump in the streets, then when insects get stuck in your shit you can sell it as food! Am I ranting? Check out Shinya Sukamoto (sue me if I got it wrong ) for a great big scare! The ending of all endings is to be found in One Missed Call ( every time you think it's all over, it just ramps up the levels for more, more, more! ). Seemingly he (Sukamoto) started wetting the bed( read, uncomfortable sleeping mat in the East ) after watching said Godzilla movie who he believed was created by the atomic bombs dropped by Enola Gay & Pals ( actually his Granpappy told him this in a dream, being vaporised by the above in 1945). Tetsuo, his wet dream, a pure eroticism meshed with machine imagery that for the viewer is intended to indicate a compensation for the lack of softness involved in sex. Perhaps a fundamental  urge for breast-feeding or castration syndrome( in the Fruedian concept ) can be the root of it all. It makes for darn fine J-horror! Coffee, please?  Ringu(The Ring ) sic, possibly the greatest of all psychological serial killing movies due to the motivations of vendetta stands alone;  taking a wiz all over the genre it apes. So, giving the Land of the Rising Sun 10 outta 10, no more taking the piss please( pun intended). Via Copenhagen, Carl Theodore Dreyer & his bastard sons Lars Von Trier/Thomas  Vinterberg, run amok! Iconoclasts of the highest calibre. They chucked away the tripod of Zen & replaced it with reality ( shaky stuff ), & a pinch of Reisenstal's Nurembergs' Rallies' ( if you remember the '40's you weren't really there ). Dogme ( the genre, not the sexual activity ), please? Von Trier writes his production notes on the wall of his office, so like Abbey Road Studios London, it gets a white wash every now & again; a shame for collectors of such incomprehensible prose. Yet they worship at the altar of pure cinematography. Attention to detail is paramount! Make a wrong edit-"you're fired!". You see, going over the top is all about trying to get to the enemies trench before a bullet/s end your mission. Then, you have to kill the enemies, then you have to regroup & get ready for the next over the top. How long can you keep it up? Before the audience walks out. A pebble in your shoe. Mmm, no, just entertain, OK? Why do people like Keyboard Cat? It's a guy under the table moving the cats arms to the beat ( mic' it up & it would sound like a crock   'o shit now ). Not to be confused with the Greatest work of all World Cinema" Apocalypse Now" . Platoon/Full Metal Jacket et al. La Haine( the Hate ) sic, signalled the last days of celluloid. Ape mimic Ape? Spike Jones, different class. The Pizza Parlour smash-up is intoxicating ( watch it on DVD then pause & try to get up off your sofa,..yeah?).Wim Wenders & co'. Werner Hertzog blah,. Jean Luc Godard blah. All greats. With Film you can create then waffle about what you meant. Johnny & his merry bunch of compatriots will never tire of this( in broken English, or blank-aise). With furrowed eyebrows & dark undertones locked into each phrase they, well, look into the distance while prattling on about the existentialism inherent in their work. They wish to share their vision with the world & without them, the world would be a an empty place. Dead As Disco. We should embrace World Cinema. Look beyond the sometimes squalid ness of the surrounding environment & join an obscure film group. Actually start one @yourplace.com. Invite friends from FaceBook you've never met to your home, to watch some weird crap about an Eastern gentleman taking a piss. Go on! Nobodies watching, honest. I can't finish without a nod to " Old Boy". What a movie! Sick & Perverted, it remains a vision of male dominion over the gentler of genders that all assholes should beware of. Cast the first stone, ye who is without sin.  Keep'emPeeled.

Chemical Garden - Periodic Table of Videos

What Up?

What Up? Here am I with stalwart "D", Alec the Dalek. We are going into The Rob Roy bar in Star St, Paddington;a pub named after "Red" Rob Roy MacGregor, an ancestor from my mothers side of the family ( remember the movie with Liam Neeson ). Dundee United travelled to Glasgow to play at Hampden stadium in the Scottish cup Final( the oldest fitba' trophy in the world ), versus Ross County ( feared by some sheep up north ). Early days though, have a listen to the track on the SoundCloud player and get into some Space-DisKO! Back zoon with what happened in the cup final!
Keep'emPeeled, the Prof'

What Up There?

Somerset House OK I'm just getting used to all this. follow link to start of last blogs story-line. Keep'emPeeled Prof' F'-F'

What Up There?

http://bit.ly/bvpPyO : the vid comes with my search for an inner soul. Serendipity & synchronicity
all play a part, as I go deep under the bowels of Somerset House; an Art establishment in the heart of London. the part about Che Guevara and the cigars was a fluke! Next blog will see me get lost and paranoid in the creepy underworld in the bowels of the basement. Keep'emPeeled Professor Fun-Farm